How To Talk to Your Child About Sexuality and Gender Identity

By Concentric Counselor Myron Nelson, LCPC

Excerpt from Neighborhood Parents Network (NPN) blog: Is Your Child Questioning Sexuality or Gender? 

You have noticed that your child is becoming attracted to a child of the same sex or is engaging in cross-dressing.  Possibly your child is asking you questions about your own gender or sexual orientation.  You're probably wondering, Is this just a phase? Buckle up, because it’s not simple.

The answer is yes and no. Some children have a clear sense whether they’re lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ) from an early age and it never changes, while others might question and experiment with those identities only for a period of time. Most people report they have a sense of their sexual orientation and gender identity around 10–13 years old. But that does not mean several people won’t experience periods of time where they may be attracted to someone of the same sex or wish to express their gender differently at any age.

Thinking about whether these changes are temporary is really just the beginning step to asking, What should I do? And luckily that answer is simple and can be summed up in 3 tactics: Be loving, ask questions and educate yourself. Before I explain the benefits of following these 3 important steps, I’ll make a case against why not.

Want to know more about how to these 3 steps as well as what to avoid saying or doing with your child?  The entire blog can be found by clicking here.    

A Window Into Helping You Understand Boys And Emotions

By Concentric Counselor Myron Nelson, LPC, LCPC

Excerpt from Neighborhood Parents Network (NPN) blog: Help Your Boy Express All of His Emotions  

The contributing factors and consequences on why boys are viewed as less emotional is an area worth consideration, but for purposes of this post, it is simply for those who see it as an issue and yearn to address it. I want to share some helpful and practical ways for you to improve young boys’ emotional IQ.

The best kind of care is preventative.  A good starting point is helping boys explore emotions by starting with what they know. Look to the people they interact with regularly —in person or in fantasy—as a way to talk about emotions and feelings. Bring up emotions in their space and domain. Books, video games, and movies are all driven by character interactions and are full of openings to begin conversing about feelings, especially if there is a mismatch and incongruency between what someone is saying and what someone is doing.

If boys mention that someone was angry or nervous, you could ask, “How did you know?” Inquire about what cues they observed: Was it their body language?  Facial expression? Words they verbalized?  It can often feel safer to talk about other people’s experiences and emotions instead of ourselves.

To read the full blog, please go to Help Your Boy Express All of His Emotions post.

Ask the Therapist? How to Help a Young Child with Anxiety Issues?

By Concentric Counselors Jennifer Larson, LCPC, NCC & Ashley Allis, LCPC, NCC

Over this past weekend, we participated as one of the local small businesses at the Sauganash Small Business & Eco Fair.  This Fair was open to the public and was an opportunity to build relationships within the community as well as to raise money for Sauganash Elementary, a Chicago Public Schools (CPS), which continues to experience cuts that impact the educational needs of the students and teachers.

At this event, we offered Ask The Therapist? -- an opportunity for people who visited our table to write down an anonymous question related to mental health and well-being issues that they or a loved one may be facing.  Over the upcoming weeks, we will be posting the anonymous questions and our answers.  So, feel free to re-visit this blog.

Ask The Therapist? is to provide some helpful information, guidance, and resources only.  This information is not intended to give a diagnosis, replace child, adolescent & family therapy, or provide treatment recommendations for a mental health disorder. Make sure you see your doctor or mental health provider if you think you or a loved one may have symptoms of a mental health disorder which warrants professional help.

HOW DO YOU HELP A YOUNG CHILD WITH ANXIETY ISSUES?

Parents play a big role in helping young children manage their anxiety. When a child uses coping tools and their brave behavior is praised, young children can learn to manage their anxiety and gain confidence.  Sometimes parents become anxious when their child experiences anxiety that they think the best option is to become overprotective or to enable the child to avoid the very thing or situation that triggers anxiety.  Avoidance can lead to fueling and increasing the anxiety.

The first step would be to tell your child what anxiety is, how it shows up in our thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, and behaviors, and that anxiety is normal to experience.  You can help your child identify how he or she experiences worry physically in his or her body, such as some children feel butterflies in their stomach, their hands may get sweaty, or behaviorally as they may want to hide. If you as a parent have anxiety, you can share your anxiety which can be validating and normalizing for your child.   

The next step would be to identify the type of anxiety (and its respective triggers) and to learn tools that can help your child reduce their anxiety.  You can become educated by learning the many tools for helping your child learn how to manage his or her thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, and behaviors. 

Filling up a toolbox of tools can be one of the most helpful ways to assist your child with anxiety issues.  Examples of some coping tools could be coloring, squeezing a ball, deep breathing, engaging in positive thoughts, and coming up with comforting, visual imagery.  You can encourage your child to ‘test’ those tools out and see which ones are more effective.   Also, encourage your child to come up with ideas that will help the anxiety.  This ownership can instill confidence, a sense of responsibility, and hopefulness. 

For more resources on childhood anxiety, check out:  http://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/childhood-anxiety  http://www.anxietybc.com/parenting/complete-home-tool-kit

To learn more about our specific services, check out:  Child, Adolescent & Family Therapy AND Solution-Focused Services for Parents